Three more weeks to go and it’ll be one year since I’ve been in a relationship — ergo, 3 more weeks and I can finally say I’ve been able to commit to my promise to not commit. Whuuuuuuutttt?? Hahahaha!! 
But did I cheat? Hmmm… I did umm “hang out” with this guy a couple of times. We had dinner and drinks… But that’s it. So is that cheating? No, right? Hehehe…
Three weeks is still three weeks, though. So I’m still keeping my fingers crossed.
I’ve a new addiction these days — Kim Hyun Joong and his SS501.
Will local Philippine music stores carry their new album? Hmm…
P.S. (October 25)
Addiction overload!! I joined hyunnies united and tripleSph forums.. 
according to tripleSph, 3 albums will be released tomorrow afternoon. woohoo!!!
But these 3 albums will not include ReBirth. If you want a copy, go to TripleSPh!!! (I hope it’s okay for TSPH if I put this link and endorse their site. But it’s just really great that you guys are doing this for us Flips )
Collage!
I. Currimao
II. Vigan
III. On the way to Pagudpud
IV. Pagudpud!!
V. On the way home…
1. Do Not Procrastinate. This will just get you in neck-deep shit of a trouble, which will ultimately make you even more insane.
2. Do Not just Rely On what Other People tell you. They’re humans too. They make mistakes. It is your responsibility to make sure you get out of hell fast.
3. Do Not F*ing Give Up. You caused the trouble, you fix it.
4. Move Fast. Hell is catching up, baby.
5. When all else fails, p*ta Stand Still and Just Let Go.
Let God.
What is friendship? Really.
Do you consider someone your friend just because he/she holds your hand when you’re sad? Does someone become your friend because you like shopping together and you guys laugh and have fun all the time? Is your seatmate – who always coaches you during recitations and exams – your friend? When these people need you – do you become a friend for them?
I am frustrated about people’s concept of friendship.
But I am more frustrated with people who keep trying to hide their hypocrisy behind the word “friend.”
Someone told me I needed to forgive you. For hurting me – three damned years ago.
I nodded my head in assent, thinking I have already done that when I left the set of keys to your house, turning my back on every whispered prayer, leaving with it my pride, tattered fragments of my soul, and two years’ worth of tears and misery and… happiness.
Three years.
Then AJ called me up, someone who spouted such high ideals and principles and beliefs about morality and the sacredness of friendship. She then told me that she likes you, that you’re already a couple, that you’re enjoying yourselves, that she’s telling me all these because she does not want me to hear the news from someone else, and that she hopes I’d be happy for the two of you.
I still thought I was okay. A bit shook up, but okay. E ano nga naman ba kung ibinigay ko sayo ang buong pagkatao ko sa loob ng dalawang taon na tinalikuran ko ang lahat ng pinaniniwalaan ko para maipaglaban ang isang kahibangang inakala kong pag-ibig?
Then another blow – I just found out that the two people who I thought were the only ones who understood me in that small world I lived in for four years – they’re now your “real and true friends” when you needed someone to stick with you.
I know!! I know I should be happy that at least you weren’t alone. I know I should not feel hurt. I should not feel betrayed. Because no one has betrayed me. No one. They have every right to be your friends. You have every right to be comforted. You are still human. Yes, you’ve made a lot of mistakes. Yes, you’ve hurt a lot of people. But you still have the right to be loved and feel loved.
Pero putanginang masakit e.
It’s still hard for me to accept that I have tried so hard to let you go. Let go of all those dreams and hopes I thought existed for us and between us. In vain!
In the end, I need to forgive you still. More importantly, I need to forgive myself – for being stupid enough to let you get the best of me… for loving you so much until I forgot who I was… for letting go of you out of spite and anger and hatred… and for loving you still. Not as much as I have loved you. But still… a part of me will always exist. For you.
Damn you.
Damn my stupid stubborn heart.
I started the Christmas week in the cold, welcoming embrace of the waters of San Juan, La Union. And all I can say is – Hell, Yeeeeaaaahhhh!!!!
The invitation to go to La Union for a “daytrip” came around 11 in the evening. I received the text while I was still out drinking. I hurried home and quickly stashed 3 shirts, 1 suit, 1 towel, and 3 shorts in my backpack. I ran out of the house, and promptly went back in to get a few toiletries. I got in the car wearing the flimsy dress I’ve gone drinking in. And by 2AM, my friends and I started on the greatest adventure I’ve had in 2008!
The ocean has always been a magical place for me. It has always been my favorite sanctuary when the universe conspires to send its wrath my way. The rhythmic humming of crashing waves eases my worries. It reminds me that I should go out of my shell and reach out. That I am not the only one who has troubles. That someone else might need more help than me. Of course, the surf board underneath me helped me focus and harness all the optimism I can muster to finally f*ing dance with the waves and forget my sadness.
It was my first time to surf. Ever!! I was absolutely excited. I could have screamed were it not for the embarassment I’d have caused my friends. And of course I was nervous, especially when the first thing the instructor told me was to listen and follow what he said or else I might end up letting the fins of the board slice my face.
I’ve always thought that my worst enemy in learning how to surf would be my poor balancing skills. I’m just naturally clumsy, plus I’m flatfooted to boot. I found out that balancing was the least of my worries.
The first position was to lie on my tummy with my feet almost at the tail of the board. When the instructor shouts, “Ready! Go!” I’d have to push against the board and jump. Ideally, the position of the feet should be a bit perpendicular to the length of the board. I’d have to be in the middle of the board as well, making sure that my legs are not too close to each other to maintain good balance. The “push up and jump” activity required upper body strength, which I do not have because I’m a lazy bum who does not exercise. Add to that the fact that I haven’t slept and the liquor was still running through my veins. Needless to say, I spent almost the entire morning session being washed off the board (I think they call it “wiped out”).
Good thing about that morning was the cute surfer who kept encouraging me to try again. He said that the moment I get to stand up, I’d understand why he kept cutting his weekend classes to go to La Union. When I heard “classes,” my brow went up and I figured he was still in college and that I should not be flirting with a minor.
My friends and I took a break first to ease our tummies and our sore bodies. After lunch, two of them were already learning how to paddle (that was their third or fourth time to surf). Another friend, KC, was like me, a beginner, first time to surf. After 30 minutes, KC figured she’d be better off taking pictures from the shore. So I was left with my instructor, and another cute surfer with a great tan and cherry-kissed brown hair (but was quite short and just kept smiling without saying anything; my friends and I later figured he was from Japan and that his English was not that good, let alone his Tagalog).
The morning session wore my body down and so I kept falling off my board more. My instructor kept telling me to move faster. Since I did not have the upper body strength, I bent my left leg first and then used my knee at the same time that my arms started pushing my body upwards. If I were to move too slow, I’d topple over as the balance would be terribly off. Still, I was not keen on giving up. And going under did not bother me. As I’ve said, I love the ocean and I’ve always felt peaceful when I’m in the water, no matter what the circumstances are (unless, of course, if I’ve just jumped off a sinking boat or if there’s a shark or something of that sort).
And then – a miracle!! Until now, I’m not sure how I was able to do it. I just felt that if there was a time I’d learn how to surf, it would be at that moment. My instructor gave me the signal that a nice wave was on the rise. I inhaled sharply as I heard him shout, “Ready! Go!” I let my body relax and just move on its own without thinking about the sequence of steps I should ideally follow. Next thing I knew, I was riding a wave.
It was absolutely exhilarating. I felt the cold wind rush against my cheeks as the board gently glided over the water. I heard some people cheering and figured it could only either be my friends or the cute minor. I forgot how to breathe for those few seconds that I was on top. And I wasn’t just on top of the water. I felt on top of every thing I needed to conquer.
After that great ride, I figured I should follow the maxim, “Quit while you’re ahead.” I thanked the instructor profusely, and headed towards KC for some excited shrieking and high fives. The rest of our group joined us on the shore, and we sat peacefully as the sun set over the teasing waves of La Union.
A feeble attempt to write again…
Age has trapped us in a world where romantic notions bring about raised eyebrows, but nevertheless can’t be relinquished even in a thousand heartbeats. This makes the concept of love difficult, if not impossible, to define. Be too poetic and it becomes silly, like a definition scribbled illegibly by a seven year old in his classmate’s slumbook. Be too practical and it will sound cold and harsh, like metal being scratched by screeching wheels of a train trying to stop.
And so I will not attempt to define the concept of love. Instead, I will teach an art which I have studied and mastered and will hopefully perfect in the years to come. Any suggestions and further elaborations on my method can be discussed at the end of this lesson. Of course, all discussions will be private.
The tools that you have to utilize when making love are within easy reach. You need not even spend a cent. Just use your inborn talents. Hone your skills. Develop the senses that God has given you.
First off the bat – your eyes. Don’t ruin the moment by blurting out what you feel. It may even sound awkward, especially in those first few moments of confused passion. Let your eyes speak. Let your eyes roam and explore and taste. Play with the possibility of igniting each unlit wick of unbridled emotion by torturing yourselves with a slow, steady and smoldering gaze.
Next – your sense of smell. Inhale the warmth laid bare before you. Allow yourself to be transported to a sensual cave where you’ll be enveloped by opposing scents of salts and sweets. Savor the succulent feast by letting your senses be flooded with aromas of excitement, of awe, of raw hunger.
Finish everything off by touching every inch you find interesting and even intimidating! Don’t be scared. Just dive in. Slowly trace your fingertips along the delicate silkiness of the exquisite curves offered for you. Feel the tumultuous textures beneath your palm quivering and shifting, preparing to take flight and soar towards ecstasy.
Oh! Breathe.
Philippine Daily Inquirer
